Late parenthood doesn’t give JOHN SO much time to learn from trial and error alone in the nurturing of his 4 year-old- son. 

And seeing how he could have done better in helping his mother transition into retirement better, John launched episodePlus.com, a platform to share stories on seniors and retirees with the hope of helping one another embrace and prepare for active ageing.

Soy sauce garlic prawn is a signature dish that John So is proud to share the recipe from his kitchen. He wouldn’t mind advising you on the method to cook too to make sure you dont overcook the XXL prawns. 

John goes on to talk about the crunchiness of fried kangkung that his family enjoys, steam eggs and a whole menu of homecook dishes. He could easily pass off as a season cook who probably had a stint at a dai chow stall (stall that sells noodles and rice dishes usually by the road side or hawker centers). But no, John is a very active business man who deals in media and is set on pursuing his financial goals. 

Till six years ago, John was a footloose and fancy-free bachelor who enjoyed the night out drinking with his friends, sleeping late and spent all his productive hours growing his media business which he started when he was 30.

“I met my wife when I was 35 and even after 3 years together I still didnt think of settling down until my wife “prompted” me about marriage,” he laughed, “So we got married. After marriage, my wife suggested we start a family soon as I was already 39.

“When my wife first suggestd having a child, the thought that went through my mind was having my life disrupted as I was already so comfortable with the life I had lived for the past 20 years.

“Disruption was something I didnt welcome. If I had married younger probably I would have been less fearful of the thought of it. It didn’t help when I looked at some of my friends needing to pick up their child at 6pm and having to wake up early in the morning - that wasn’t a very inviting thought. 

“But Covid and the MCO changed everything for me. My son Jack who is now 4 years old was born in Dec 2019 when the Covid pandemic was erupting. I had no choice but to end up spending all the time at home with him,” John recalls being teased by his friends who advised him to take care of his health and looks so as not to be mistaken as his son’s grandfather when Jack starts to attend school at 7.

“Jokes aside, this got me thinking about making an effort to stay healthy which means eating right and resting enough. When the baby came home after my wife’s confinement at her mother’s house I knew I had to share the housework and looking after the baby.

“I took a liking to cooking and my tutor was Youtube of course,” John adds that he couldn’t tell one vegetable from another and the only fish he could recognise was ikan kembung because his mother used to cook that alot.

In no time he found himself juggling wok and ladle, diapers and milk bottles with ease. He was managing the household like a business with priorities, risk management (as in letting his child to explore his environment) and resources like a business. 

 This transformation started, “the moment I heard my son cried in the delivery room. I was crying too all the way to the ward and the nurse had to console me!” 

“I was a new father at 40 which meant there must be more careful planning to secure my son’s financial future.  I believe finance plays a big role so we ensured that proper financial planning is in place for him. This plan is fluid because his needs change as he grows older.

“Late parenthood has its advantages as I am more matured, financially stable and a better thinking person than the younger version of myself. Financial stability helps me to provide better for the family and the choice to work more or work less. I don’t have to reinvent the wheel as I can learn from my friends experiences in bringing up children and all these came from sharing stories.

“We hope that more people will come forward and share their experiences especially with people who are about to retire. And even learn from their peers. My friend’s son has already graduated from college and mine hasn’t even graduated from kindergarten! I can surely learn from him in bringing up a child.

   “Sharing stories is the best way to learn. If we had a platform to tell us more about retirement or how to prepare for it then, my siblings and I would not have asked my mother to stop work completely when she was about 62 years old. After retirement she joined a gym and went there to workout everyday but that was not enough to keep her mind active. 

“Over the last 6 years, my mother who is now 75 has developed dementia. We need to create more awareness to help people age actively.”

Somehow, John found synergy between his kitchen works and business management. “There are lessons from parenting and cooking that can be adepted in my business. Patience is one. In caring for my son, you will know that you can plan all you want but you can’t always get it to work.

“For instance, when have planned a family outing for 7pm and I need to feed my son at 6pm, there is every likelihood that he would not want to eat at 6pm and as such every plan that is thrown asunder. So I just need to adjust and adapt - without losing patience. What is the lesson to learn here? To have longer buffer time…in business too, we need to have be prepared for unforeseen circumstances and we can’t always get plans to work.

  “In cooking it teaches me how to coordinate. What to cook first and how to minimise on usage of utensils. This teaches me to relook at how I do things in my business. Even in the simple thing like washing dishes and how to arrange them on a tray to dry.

“Same with taking risks, there is no formula but calculated risks. While I may want Jack to explore and climb there is also a chance that he may fall. So I will manage his safety to an extend whereby he may fall but won’t hurt himself badly. 

“Like taking risks in business, how much to depend on data and how much on instinct. I would use negotiation to deal with his tantrums throwing at toy shops. If he wants to go to toy shop he cannot throw tantrums insisting to  buy toys. I would tell him about putting money into bank and show him banks and the concept of saving money. A younger John would have done things very differently.” 

Eversince the MCO had been lifted John and wife still choose not to have a helper in the house because they have gotten accustomed to caring for the child on our own. John continues to develop his culinary skills, flipping, tossing and stewing up some signature dishes. Not to mention, feeding his son too. “I learnt from a lot of trial and error cooking for my son and how to feed him.”

Take a leaf from John So’s journey

• You can never be prepared enough for changes but you can prepare yourself to embrace the changes.
• In the different seasons of our lives, our priorities change and it calls for us to be agile and adapt.
• There is no perfect timing for parenthood. When it happens you need to create your own special moments. 
• The Covid pandemic has taught us how fluid and uncertain our lives can be. Instead of succumbing, seize the opportunity to spawn new ideas and interests. With that, John continues to develop and fine tune his culinary skills.